• @lath@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    1885 months ago

    Sounds like a red flag with a white circle and a black symbol within. But also romantic. They’re not mutually exclusive.

    As some say, romance is death…

      • Yeah, I don’t understand what they’re getting out of it. Here’s my pros/cons list:

        Pros:

        • trust?

        Cons:

        • if you break up, they can screw you
        • if there’s a data breach, you can get screwed
        • they accidentally leave their phone unlocked
        • send phone for repair and the tech sees the video
        • they accidentally send it to someone else, mistaking it for another

        That doesn’t seem very balanced to me… Instead of mutually assured destruction (assuming this is reciprocated), just be a good BF/GF? Why isn’t that enough?

        • @garbagebagel@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          15 months ago

          I think it’s honestly just a test and the person does actually believe those things but is saying it as a “joke” to see how far they can push it with their new partner. So the biggest pro would be “did I find someone equally as racist and shitty as me and if so, score”, I guess?

  • @Atlas_@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    645 months ago

    First, 100% a red flag. Even if they wanted to give some sort of “I trust you with my life” sort of video, there’s a bunch of better ways to do it. Going for a racist rant makes me think that they’re a racist.

    Secondly, this is deeply submissive - they’re giving you the power to ruin their life. If you want to do that sort of stuff as a couple you should really talk about it first and be on board with receiving that sort of power and responsibility. Entirely possible+reasonable for the receiver to find this shitty because they don’t want to make a choice like this, especially if these are truly held beliefs.

    The healthy response to this is to send them to a therapist. And definitely dump them if they’re actually racist.

    • @Clent@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      125 months ago

      I don’t see how someone could do a racist rant and not be racist. That it is a rant is an important word here.

          • Psychadelligoat
            link
            fedilink
            English
            105 months ago

            I can (and have, many times) dropped a hard-r for comedic effect, even around my black friends, as they have the context to know that I’m not actually the kind of person to use that word normally

            If I was recorded and shared to the internet doing so free of context, I would be labelled as a racist shithead immediately and forever

            • @Clent@lemmy.world
              link
              fedilink
              25 months ago

              Is that the situation here? It is not.

              Everyone wanting to give the benefit of the doubt here gives racists room to exist.

              • Psychadelligoat
                link
                fedilink
                English
                25 months ago

                You asked, I answered

                Don’t like the answers, don’t ask the questions

              • That’s how I read it, yes. But we obviously don’t have enough context to say whether the GF is actually racist or just pretending to be as a crazy trust exercise. I’m taking it as a crazy trust exercise because that’s the only way this could fit any definition of “romantic.”

          • @ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca
            link
            fedilink
            05 months ago

            I think taking any random problem and putting blame on a group of people would be racist. I could spruce it up with the term “nipper” or “kike” and most people would find it racist

            I suppose you just don’t find anything racist if you can’t come up with it

              • @ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca
                link
                fedilink
                05 months ago

                You’re saying a non-racist person couldn’t say anything racist

                The only way to argue that is if they don’t know what is racist

    • I Cast Fist
      link
      fedilink
      -75 months ago

      Subby racist? She clearly wants the colored dick “forced” on her

  • shoulderoforion
    link
    fedilink
    255 months ago

    They say never stick your dick in crazy, but from my experience, that’s where the best stuff is, but you gotta know, there’s a shelf life to flirting with insanity, you gotta know when to get out, or else you’re just in for life changing pain. This sounds a bit outside comfort levels for me, and I’d be looking for the out door.

    • Biskii
      link
      fedilink
      English
      155 months ago

      I’d be looking for the out door.

      She literally gave it to him

    • @rottingleaf@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      55 months ago

      Still, the one thing worse than sticking your dick in crazy is almost sticking your dick in crazy, so that the negative effect were still there, but you wouldn’t have fun memories at lonely evenings.

  • @superkret@feddit.org
    link
    fedilink
    725 months ago

    This is kinda unhinged in my opinion.
    But then again, I grew up before social media, maybe this is the ultimate proof of love now? I don’t know.

    Anyway, putting herself completely at your mercy is not a good start into a healthy, mutually respectful relationship.

    • Yup. I don’t want blackmail on them, and I don’t want them to have blackmail on me, because if the relationship goes south, one of us (or both!) will resort to the nuclear option.

      Protect yourself and build a relationship based on respect. Trust is earned, not ransomed.

      • @Waraugh@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        45 months ago

        Idk, I have shit (emails and texts) that could be considered blackmail on my ex wife of 15 years (not legal but would trash her relationship with her family which for all our faults she values and depends on as much as anything in life) and I would never open that can of worms. I also have video sent to me that would cost my current girlfriend (she shared them) massive headaches and likely thousands in lawyer fees and support. I can’t imagine a scenario where I would leverage it for anything. I value that my ex and current GF know they can trust me, entirely, without consequence. Relationships are hard and things don’t always become or remain what one would like but I can’t imagine purposefully hurting someone like that. My ex wife and I can’t stand each other but theirs comfort in knowing we can trust each other. I wouldn’t go to her funeral but I’d help her bury a body and I know she feels the same.

  • oleorun
    link
    fedilink
    English
    21
    edit-2
    5 months ago

    Bright, shining, blinking, scrolling, red LED-illuminated flags m’dude.

    She needs some therapy on boundaries and impulse control by the sound of it. Then again I’m going off a 5 second read and not a lifetime of experience so I am conceding that I do not know anything for certain.

    I would say ‘hey, out of respect for you I am deleting this video, thanks for the gift, please get me a gift card to XYZ next time’. But yeah, first time? Give her the pass. If it happens again, GTFO.

  • NutWrench
    link
    fedilink
    English
    105 months ago

    I think a bot is Karma farming by asking stupid questions. “Should I hit myself in the nuts with a mallet? Is sulphuric acid safe to drink? Should < horrible red flag behavior in a partner > be a cause for concern?”

    • Dyskolos
      link
      fedilink
      25 months ago

      I think a bot is Karma-farming by criticising I think a bot is Karma farming by asking stupid questions. "Should I hit myself in the nuts with a mallet? Is sulphuric acid safe to drink?..

      JK. You’re probably right. But chin up, it will only get worse 😁

  • @disguy_ovahea@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    10
    edit-2
    5 months ago

    Personally, I’d delete it in case relationship took a turn for the worse. I wouldn’t want to be tempted to ruin someone’s life out of jealousy or a broken heart.

    I see both sides. As off-putting as it is, the intent of showing complete trust and vulnerability should not be overlooked. Maybe just ask them to dial it back to a less offensive method of demonstration.

    • @Nasan@sopuli.xyz
      link
      fedilink
      25 months ago

      Maybe I’ve just watched too many rom-coms, but is it so unrealistic that she may have been hoping he would reciprocate her twisted romantic gesture by deleting the video in front of her?

  • reddwarf
    link
    fedilink
    425 months ago

    I have a fleeting suspicion that this girl now thinks, because of her own action, she can do this to you now as well. OP, be careful what you share with her because ruining someones life is an option in her book…

  • @fodderoh@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    145 months ago

    Maybe she’s secretly hoping he’ll use it to sexually blackmail her. That is a kink some people have.

    • @explodicle@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      English
      55 months ago

      My spouse and I have been married 15 years and I still don’t share my GPG passphrase. Whoever says “you can’t have secrets” is weird and controlling.