Over the years, I’ve seen many folk talking about their relationship with femininity and how it relates to their transition and to their sense of identity, of who they are.
I’ve never understood it though. I don’t feel like I have a relationship with femininity, or at least, nothing beyond pragmatic necessity. It doesn’t relate to my sense of identity or who I am. In many ways, it feels like an obligation, rather than a source of empowerment or self understanding.
So, I’m curious how it works for other folk who find empowerment in it. What does it mean to you? How did it help you find yourself? How do you relate to femininity now vs earlier in your life?
Edit - To add some context. I’m 7 years transitioned, and “post transition” for want of a better term. I’m quite comfortable with my own relationship (or lack of it) with femininity. This is more an exercise in trying to understand different perspectives :)
This is such a complicated question I feel you may as well have asked ‘What makes a woman/man’.
I guess, to me - femininity means being allowed access to my own vulnerability, to be allowed (or to be expected societally) to emphasize appearance, to be expected to appear frail or to take up little space.
However I also understand that these things are more or less just bullshit societal expectations, and that feminine women and feminine people in general are allowed to be loud, brash, messy, and strong individuals.
But to me femininity is the performance I feel pressured to act out in order to be seen the way I want to be seen. Maybe in the future my perspective will change, but at this moment I personally do not feel ‘allowed’ to be my rightful gender unless I perform the way I’m expected to perform.
This is a well thought-out reply!
I feel you may as well have asked ‘What makes a woman/man’.
What’s interesting, is that I could answer that question more readily than the question about femininity.
And what’s even more interesting is that even though they’re both largely social constructs, womanhood has a deep personal meaning to me that femininity never did. I felt denied recognition of my gender, of my womanhood, and I fought both to accept it within myself, and to have others see and accept it.
But there was no analogous experience with femininity for me.
Like you say though, I do understand the performative aspect of femininity. I don’t feel constrained by that anymore, but for a long time, that was my only relationship with it. I found it to be constraining and negative though, which is so very different to most folks relationship with it
You know, I do agree with you for the most part.
Man and woman as concepts feel more or less tangible albeit complex. They’re something I can point to and say, “this is man” or “this is woman.” Whereas femininity and even masculinity feel incorporeal to me to an extent. Certain things are deemed feminine and masculine, yes, but the criteria are ever-changing and being molded to fit a time or place or idea.
I can sorta envision this idea of womanhood for myself, whereas femininity feels like… much more of a vibe? i guess?
