The first time I heard the phrase “do I want to be with her or do I want to be her” was a major holy shit moment for me. It made me realize that my relationship with the concept of “attraction” was way more complicated than I thought. At that moment, I had a realization that what I thought was attraction to women is actually a mix of both attraction and envy, and the reason I had always denied my attraction to men is that the idea of being in a mlm relationship made me unbearably dysphoric
the idea of being in a mlm relationship made me unbearably dysphoric
… huh. huh.
Currently I’d describe myself as questioning, but I’ve known I’m bi for a few years. I don’t think I feel “unbearably dysphoric” over it but the idea of dating a guy hasn’t quite jived with me (not in a “I’m not romantically attracted to guys” way, I know I am). It doesn’t feel quite… right, but idk how to describe it really. I just thought it was internalized homophobia.
This sounds very similar to my experience! For context, I’m a binary trans woman, and I (now) identify as bisexual! Before questioning my gender, I knew I was attracted to men but the idea of dating a man didn’t feel right, so I kinda gaslit myself into believing I was straight. With the power of hindsight I know that what actually didn’t feel right was the idea of being a man dating a man. The idea of being a woman dating a man, on the other hand, does feel right to me!
I wish you the best of luck on your journey of self-discovery! It’s a long and arduous road but it’s so worth it!
Yeah … back in highschool before I questioned my gender I tried identifying as bi. Because I really liked being treated as a feminine partner. And the only way I could get that was with a man (so I thought) but could never actually see my self BEING in a mlm relationship. At all. So I stopped questioning my identity and gaslit myself into thinking I was straight as well.
Wasn’t until my egg cracked that I was like “ohhhh that makes a lot more sense now”
Yeah, honestly now that it’s in words I can see it. Guys dating guys is awesome cus guys are hot but I can’t really picture myself as one of them. Meanwhile I’ve felt weirdly jealous of lesbian relationships .-.
Thanks for the help. I was already leaning towards “probably trans” but that’s defo another step in that direction.
