My wife always just gets mad and implies that I (the primary cleaner of the house) moved or misplaced her perpetually lost items, and 10/10 times she figures out that it was indeed her own goddamn self who misplaced said thing. Truly, this has happened almost weekly for well over a decade and I swear it has never been me.

I don’t even get annoyed anymore. I find immediate satisfaction in knowing she’s eventually going to realize she played herself.