If a cute goblin woman wanted to claim me as her husband, I probably wouldn’t say no.
I mean, cute in a 2D depiction, with a lot of detail missing, but think of the reality of the situation.
Probably smells like shit, literally. Bathes as frequently as she hunts fish.
Probably has no idea what a toothbrush is, chunks of meat stuck between teeth until the enzymes in her saliva break it down over weeks.
Anatomically incompatible, probably.
Making a lot of assumptions and claims about a literal fantasy creature.
Sure, but I’m probably right, based off franchise lore.
you’re aware humans have existed in the wild for millions of years and we regularly fucked other human species, ye? and people can be in relationships without having sex.
Goblins that are capable of intelligent speech and understanding and desiring the concept of a husband are well within the limits of acceptability.
Anatomically incompatible meaning… Well… You ever tried to put a sausage inside a garden hose?
Like i said, people can be in relationships without penetrative sex, or do you think lesbian marriages are invalid?
Get a goblin dildo and you’re good to go!
you still don’t need sex to have a valid relationship
True.
yeah and it worked after i cut a bit off so what’s your point
Is this how circumcision works?
Yes.
Not since I was a kid, it fit but barely… It was a firehose though so idk if that counts.
I can fix her
Fiction can be whatever you want it to be. There’s no Right way to depict fantasy races/creatures.
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You ever smelled a coyote or a raccoon?
Raccoon yes, coyotes usually pull a gun on me if I get too close.
Hopefully they didn’t get it from ACME.
Nah just some guy’s trunk in Juárez
Haven’t smelled too many wild animals have you? They generally do smell like shit.
No they don’t, who’s your wild animal guy? Somethings wrong.
What wild animals are you smelling? Farm animals often smell bad, but those are domesticated. I’ve been close to deer, sparrows, rabbits, none of them smelled bad. Some snakes smell bad, but I think that’s on purpose, like a defensive stink.
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I can fix her 😤
Why would you, though, when you could have little goblinoid babies and save on the vet bill?
Thats fair, tbh.
You had me at smells like shit
Bro, the genre’s called fantasy for a reason.
Why you gotta ruin my dream of finding someone who loves me for myself? Unrealistic though it might be…
Why is your dream a tiny filthy goblin? You can do better.
Hey, that’s not fair to the goblin.
Like a big filthy goblin?
I am a big filthy goblin pretty much. A hobgoblin, if you will.
knobgobblin’
I think that might just be a hobgoblin?
Holding out for orc husbando myself.
then hit me up if your still looking
Yeah I don’t think I could go with someone who’s like 2 feet tall.
You! You…height-ist!
She doesn’t love you, you’re the first thing she could grab with a heart beat and two legs
Beggars can’t be choosers.
Not true! She ate a monkey yesterday. …and she grabbed it before she ate it.
If that’s the same criteria you use for looking for that someone, and you proceed with an open and courageous heart: it won’t be a dream.
And I would say that we have general artistic conventions of depicting elements the previous commentor suggested: smell lines, meat in teeth, etc… Their absence from the scene leads me to believe the commentor’s interpretation is far from the artist’s intentions.
I appreciate the heartfelt advice but I’m mostly just riffing.
My real problem is that staying home and playing video games is less work and more immediately gratifying than getting out and trying to meet someone, but I recognize that complaining about that just means I’m trying to have my cake and eat it too.
Wouldn’t it be eat your cake and still have it? Typically you have cake before you eat it, but you don’t have cake after you eat it. So the eating would go first in the sentence, right? Unless the saying is that you want to have your cake after eating it. Either way you gotta use a word that implies the directional flow of time, because technically you do have cake for most of the duration that you’re eating it.
Wouldn’t it be eat your cake and still have it?
The idiom is generally phrased “have your cake and eat it too” but yeah that’s rather confusing. The way you said it is how I actually understand it in my head.
I think the way
EnglishCommon has evolved doesn’t help either, because “to have” is now synonymous with “to eat” in the context of food, but I don’t think it was that way when the idiom was coined. It’s actually about 500 years old according to Wikipedia.
The goblin swinging a club on the other hand…
Clean shaven arms and legs, combed hair (with highlights?), and an earring all imply that the goblin does care about and maintain her hygiene/appearance
I mean, the many half races in DnD implies that most races arent anatomically incompatible
There’s rules for that and in this case nope.
I should have figured there’d be a cross breedability guide!
With the exception of using magic as pointed out at the bottom so I guess if they tried hard enough…
Family is family, even if it must be created by magic and held together by compulsion. …right?
Minotaur and Centaur is a nope, but Minotaur and dragon is a yes!
And clearly biped
Now Centaur plus dragon
Human genes seem to be recessive
Bathes as frequently as she hunts fish.
Bruh she has two toned hair and it looks good. That woman knows how to use hair dye well. I bet she bathes every day. Or every second day, goblins probably have healthier bathing habits than humans. Humans are so obsessed with cleanliness they don’t give their bodies time to apply its own natural measures. You’re not supposed to wash your hair with shampoo every day, you’ll damage it. And no conditioner above the neck. Your hair’s natural oils will come in and you’ll have healthy locks that shine. Constantly stripping your hair’s natural oils away will just make you dependent on shampoo and conditioner.
Does your doctor prescribe your copeium, or is it synthesised in your bathtub?
I’d marry goblin slayer
If a
cute goblinwoman wanted to claim me as her husband, I probably wouldn’t say no.FTFY
She’s like 7 years old and roughly that size too.
@fbi@fbi.gov deal with this guy
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i will never understand the idea that human age limits would apply to a completely different species, if they’re fully mature and capable of consent at 9 years old then that’s their age limit, we don’t get to impose that on their species.
Should we stop birds from getting it on with each other because they mature within a year or two? I think they might take offense to that, and i don’t want to face an angry goose.
The average goblin is about 3 to 3.5ft. And you can’t really tell a goblins age by looking at them. Admittedly, they reach adulthood at ~8 years old, but they live to 60.
You’re reaching, and it’s kinda creepy.
“It just looks like a kid”
Yeah a bit too much for me lol
It’s a joke my friend. The FBI don’t actually have a lemmy server
Ya don’t joke about that kinda stuff.
Sad truth is, the government does not care about the wellbeing of goblins. Shameful.
That said, i do not see a mention of age.
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Tiny women are fun, pass it on.
My dental hygienist is like 5 feet 3 inches. She says she’s “fun size”
I’m inclined to believe her.
